Need some girl advice?

Please note that this maybe a long passage but i want everyone to understand my story because i value peoples opinion.


I am a 18 year old senior in high school and haven't had a girlfriend since my freshman year. Personally i believe that it has to do with the facts that i have unsolved issues with my father because he was very abusive to my mother verbally and he did many other things that i find disrespectful to women. I fear that i may turn into him and one of the reasons why i find it had for me to get a girlfriend anymore is that i am trying to protect them from see who i truly am. Another reason i am having girl issues is simply because i have lost the confidence i once had in talking to girls i find attractive. Most of my confidence was lost after my parents divorce which really changed me which is a completely different story. Do you know what it is like having your brothers and other family members think you are gay even though your not? well my family thinks that just because i haven't got a girlfriend. There is this girl in one of my classes that i find beautiful but can never get the never to talk to her. This is my last semester and i really would like a girlfriend that i can take to the prom but i just can't seem to get passed all of this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.Need some girl advice?
First - you are not your Dad!


Second you don't know what issues he faced at your age that may have contributed to his problmes


Third - THe longer youu leave this the greater trhe problme will become


Fourth - just ask that girl!!!!!! What's the worst that could happen? If she says no you'll be sad - ok so how is that different from how you feel now?


Fifth if she says YES then just treat her the way you think it best.





Sixth - When your Dad is happy has he ever caused trouble? So loosen up a bit, smile moreNeed some girl advice?
Well first of all your dad's a d!ck, and you don't sound like that kind of person so relax. I say forget what your parents say and forget everything that everyone else is saying. The only way your going to find your confidence is if you actually see if there's any left. So the best of luck to you, I hope you get the girl for prom.
It shouldn't mater if she is oh so beautiful. It should mater that she understands you and how you feel. If you find someone that you like for who they are you should get to know them better and become friends first. Don't just jump to dating. The more about them you know the more you can tell them about yourself. Hope I helped and good luck.
My fiance went through something similar. His father was very abusive, not just verbally but physically. He has been and always will be afraid of turning into him. But that didn't stop him from dating, because he wanted to find the right one.





Don't let your father's actions affect you like this. You are your own person. About the girl in your class... you've just gotta find the nerve in there ;)
I'm thinking if you make enough money in the first place? and than why should you lose your virginty right away? I feel that you can handle yourself and don't rely on getting a free hand out. Girls? I don't know I do have many things that I can say. and whatever I do feel like. But my own brother won't let me in his life either.


sorry


bettyd
We really are in the same boat. I am afraid to talk to girls for similar reasons. I have no confidence either. I need help as well.
start small conversation maybe about the class


if you have any mutual friends you could have them introduce you
go to a party and mingle lol


talk to girls but be yourself


girls dont like guys who are fake and stuff :P


be funny :D
get passed it bro its a simple answer





just get passed it and step up.
just go with it man





ask





if you really wanted to do this


you will
you just need to find the right girl that you can confide in and let her allow you to open up. To get the girl you like is a matter of going out on a limb it always is. The best way to me is to find them on myspace and just ask to be their friend and say hey you're in my own class. Then you make it a point to message and such until you two can get closer. If you can't do that I would just make it a point to always say hi from now when you see her and slowly start up conversations like how was your weekend or how was your new year etc.


don't be afraid of becoming your father. if you know you don't want to be him then you wont. my parents are divorced and have been divorced several times with other people and i know that i will never be that and i refuse to be that. when you find someone you can talk to they wont shun you for your attitude because of everything thats happened to you they will want to help you and be there for you.


if you're aware of what your dad did was wrong then you wont make the same mistakes don't worry. as for the girl just go for it and be everywhere she is, make her notice you and in the end i'm sure she'll like you.


and you're family, hmmm to get them off the gay thing start leaving porn magazines around your room kind of where they can see it and that would get them back on the right track =)
Like you said, confidence is your problem. Just go up to her, and ask her out, tell her how you feel about her. Just go for it, and if it doesn't work out well, don't worry about it. as for worrying about becoming your father, don't worry about it. From the fact that you are willing to post you problems on a public internet site`and ask for help, you seem like a nice and sensitive person. Don't let what other people think or do get you down.





Good Luck and I hope I helped.
i would try just to show her you care.. depending apon how ur classes r set up .. if shes in one try sittin gclose to her or within her eyesight adn dont stare but just kinda glance over at her and if she catches you smile... you sound like an amazing person too.. if that dosnt work thentry walking near her or asking about her day once you become i guess kinda more familiar with her she''l be comfortable with you as will you with her and then you can ask her out.. sounds kinda wierd but i think it'll work... good luck!
For the becoming like your dad situation, u shouldnt worry yourself over it to much. you already fear becoming like your dad enough, so this fear will cause you to prevent doing anything like your dad. if that makes sense.


for the girl situation, try talking to girls as a friend first. most peoples problems is that they worry about what they will say in order to start a relationship. so become her friend first, then start working on relationship stuff, you should find it easier
Confidence is key. Even if you don't FEEL confident, just ACT confident, and it will get you some points. Just say something along the lines of ';Hey. I think you are attractive, and I would like to take you out on a date. Maybe dinner and a movie?';





If anything, she would be flattered that you asked. If you think that what your dad did to your mom was disrespectful, then you obviously aren't him, so what are you trying to protect them from? The worst that a girl can do is say no. But just remember, you can't get a ';yes'; if you don't ask
Oh man I'm so sorry. :'( that is so horrible that your dad is like that. My cousin's dad is kind of like that, he thinks that my cousin is gay just because he didn't have a girlfriend for a while and I know he's not. Don't let people tell you that your gay just because of that. You know yourself more than them and they might not stop with that crap, but try to keep your confidence strong. Parent divorces have a MAJOR impact on the kids. A lot of my friend's parents are divorced and they're lives are pretty screwed up. About the girl you like, just try to talk to her sometime. Maybe ';accidentally'; bump into her and then apologize to her and maybe just make very small talk. Then she'll know who you are and then maybe you could engage in a short conversation about something interesting later. Soon, you'll start talking more often and getting to know each other more. Then after you know her pretty well, ask her out and more than likely she'll say yes if she seems to like you. I hope your situation gets better and you can build up your confidence. Just don't listen to your family when they say that crap because you know that you're not gay.
Take a deep breath and try to put your parent's past behind you. You are you and you know better then your father. Take another deep breath before you face an attractive girl. I'd prefer less witnesses. And take a chance. If she lets you down, that doesn't mean it's the end of the world. For God sake, women are half of the population. (:





Don't let your family trouble you. If you know you're straight, so be it. Ignore their pestling.





Divorce is often hard on the entire family. Emotional wounds take a lot of time to heal. Most of the time, a fracture of the wound stays with you. Just know that you're better than what your parents were.
ASK ... HER ... OUT !





i promise you that you will regret it if you don't. do something incredebly sweet , like bring her flowers or something .


she won't be able to say no.


but think about a great night you would have if you asked her.


%26amp; if you are worried about her saying no then consider this:


what would hurt more, being rejected %26amp; knowing where you stand or sitting at home thinking about a night you COULD have had?





so just forget everything about your home life %26amp; just have fun. this is your senior year, you should be enjoying it!





best of luck[:
hey. im natty im a senior in high school too. my best advice is try asking a girl out you won't turn out like your father coming from that background is tough but you shouldn't let it affect you to the point where you can't date because a girlfriend could help you change and they would be there for you. get the prom tickets and take a chance you'll never know if you don't try. i wish you luck. and u seem like a really sweet senstive guy any girl would be lucky to have.
just make friends. you are your own person not your father. you sound like you are a really good guy. i think you would know how to show respect to girls and if you just take a chance and ask a girl that you kinda like or want to get to know more about then you could probably get a girl friend. just be yourself and don't doubt that your worth it. you are a person and girls are just people too. they are no better and no worse. get to know the girl and flirt alittle. you never know she may just end up liking you back
you won't turn into your father. people always say ';like father, like father like son'; all that junk is nothing but CRAP. So forget about him.


Anyway, i think that this is more about you being shy. You're a senior in highschool! Who cares what happens now, you wont see any of these people after highschool! So ask that girl out, go up to her and say '; Hey, i'm a cool guy. And you seem cool too, how about we hang out this weekend and get to know each other?'; i'm serious, say those exact words, and smile when you say it. Not a grin, just a slight '; happy-go-lucky-smile. Practice in the mirror. Trust me, i'm like a pick up artist.


I'm a junior in highschool by the way.
Mr. TrustCom,


Ok...I'm really sorry to hear about your abusive Dad! Doesn't sound like much of a role model. I know that divorce can really polarize the kid's in a family..but do understand you are definitely not a carbon copy of your Dad. Let that One go right now! You sound to me like a very level headed young man...I can already see that you perceive your world detail by detail....this is a great gift. Don't sweat what others think on any issue...their problems and level of maturity are not yours. Furthermore, your perspective on the issue of respect for women is fantastic and highly commendable. You have exactly the kind of mentality and thoughtfulness that 99.99% of all the women on the earth would crawl up mountains of crushed glass just to be near you!!! And that's a fact!!!


Let's review Ok! #1Your Dad's level of emotional developement is not yours. Furthermore, what ever his issue's are are not yours. This is no longer your problem OR YOUR CONVENIENT EXCUSE! GOT IT!!!


#2 There is no possible way in the universe for you to inherit or exhibit


qualities that are of your Dad or any other individual with out your permission! Got It! You are in control of you! ALWAYS AND FOREVER!


#3 Brother's can be cruel...Welcome to the Planet Earth! You are who you choose to be. PERIOD! Sounds like they need to get a life!


#4 Your 18 yrs old and a Man...This is the most incredibly wonderful position that you could possibly be in at this time period of the human race! You possess the dynamic skills of a very sensitive heart...this is a very rare gift of the Spirit! You have definately not lost your confidence with regards to the female factor....Somebody was just Crapping on your life...and you lost focus while attending to more important issues. (And what's wrong with taking care of buisness!)


#5 Now review the Facts again....and you will quickly see that not only do you have the qualifications to have any girl of your choice....but you also exibit the POWER OF A GREAT MAN! You just needed to reorganize your thoughts and how you perceive yourself! I think that you have the depth of spirit to become one of the greatest lovers that the woman of your choice will ever meet in her lifetime! And unlike your father, you will share the powerful depths of your heart freely and with Great Confidence...and that inner confidence makes your love the greatest of treasures. Now stop being selfish...and go share that perfect tresure with the woman of your choice. She'll be lucky to have


even known you! This may be your last semester as a senior, but you'll never be finished sharing the finest qualities that a REAL MAN can be!


God Bless you and prosper you Always!


Sincerely, Rumblethis!





P.S. You need to create a situation that involves this young lady that you desire....Find out if she likes to talk...solve problems...give council! Approach her and say...';I hear that you give great advice, and you've got an open mind and a great Heart!'; Believe me...You have just blown the introduction Doors WIDE OPEN! All women like to talk,give advice and be appreciated for doing so! Now what you share with her...should be gradual and lite....as she gains interest...share your deeper thoughts. I know she will be impressed to hear your view point on your Respect for women!


Yes!....you can do this! It's that simple!!!!!!!! Now MAN-UP and share yourself!
I think the fact that you're afraid of becoming like your father is proof enough that you won't. You have to understand that you are completely individual from your father, and the only way you can follow in his footpaths is if you let yourself. Don't let his experiences get in the way of YOU living YOUR life.





That being said... definately try to talk to this girl! Try talking to a lot of girls, it'll really open some doors for you. It sounds like you've been constrained for the last few years, but really try to break out of your shell. I'm positive you won't regret it and you may even move past all thats happened to you! Best of luck:)
For starters, you will never be like your father if you think what he did was wrong and disrespectful and if it upsets you that much. You know what's right from wrong, and if anything I think those expeirences will make some women very lucky to have you because you will treat her so beautifully like she probably will deserve.





Secondly, I'm sorry to hear about the divorce, and don't let your family members thinking you gay bring you further down than you already are, I would love to e-mail you more and help talk you through a lot :)
It sounds to me like you are being ostracized and abused yourself. A family that laughs and calls you 'gay' because you are hurting inside is a pretty cruel family. I hope and pray that when you are old enough, you can move out and start living your own life without all this stuff. You deserve some peace, and there is nothing wrong with you. You are a sweet, tenderhearted young man that any woman would be proud to call her own.





I believe in you. Forget what they are saying. You know why? Because they are wrong about you.
You have to do some soul searching. One thing you have to realize quickly is that you are not your father. I understand that it might be hard to have self-confidence due to your environment, but you have to separate yourself from all the negativity. If you had that confidence before, you can get it back. Work out, get more sleep, eat healthier. Those aren't just weight loss tips, they can help increase your energy levels, thus inducing a positive attitude. Having a positive attitude will make you feel better about yourself and attract more people towards you. Once you gain that confidence back, you should have no problems talking to girls. As far as your family, just laugh it off. You know you're not gay, so who cares what they think. You can even joke about it. Once you feel good about yourslef, their opinions won't matter as much. Good Luck :)
aww that was sooo sad...im about to cry...{sorry i am a very emotional person...but im not emo =)} so okay, im in 7th grade and i dont have a boyfriend and i hope to wait till freshman year too..i believe that ur not gay and the only reason they say that is because, well, theyre ur siblings, of course they do that! and man, you HAVE to go ask this girl to prom cuz if you dont, someone else will be taking her. and the only reason she hasnt talked to you is because you havent talked to her or...made a move! ur probably gaurding yourself too much for her to notice you! and dont think that u will turn into ur father because if you were anywhere close to becoming just like your father, you wouldnt be asking your question. you think what ur father does is wrong, right? then of course you wont turn into him! best of luck, your in my prayers.
well first off this is your opportunity to just take this head on


your father may have been abusive but the thing is you see the things he did and you find them disrespectful


meaning that you know his mistakes and your on a better path then he is already so don't think your turning into your father


these events may have something to do with the way you are now


but the thing is not to let these things control your life.


If you want a date to the prom then by all means don't consider yourself as your father, think about how YOU would treat her and no one else.


and don't worry about if they think your gay chances are they are just joking and if not... imagine the looks on their faces when you have a beautiful date for the dance. your a very good person and just realize that just because you don't have a girlfriend gives no right to anyone to make fun of you.


My advice just do what you want don't think about how anyone else has done it just do it your way... stop living your life according to others and thinking your going to become other people because only you are you and your awesome just remember that. you are good enough.


so good luck with your date you got a semester to go good luck man
You sound like a very interesting, complex person. Taking your time and being thoughtful about who you are always pays off in the end. I'm sorry your family members are giving you a hard time about dating. My own mom asked me if I was gay because I didn't have a serious boyfriend for a period of four years. Quite the bummer.





You're right about one thing--your father's abuse of your mother has affected you. The relationship that was modeled for you was not healthy. The fact that you wonder about it makes me think that you are going to be just fine. You might need to go to some therapy to work this all out. There are a lot of people out there who have no idea why they abuse others or don't even realize what they're doing is abusive.





Keep in mind that not all children who come from households with a form of abuse become abusers. It is important to know that sometimes they become the abuser in relationships--and sometimes they sit back when their spouse abuses their children.





I'd read books, get into therapy when you can, take things slow when you do get involved with a woman. Be careful that you don't out for a ';perfect'; woman as a result of your father's devaluing your mother, because no woman is perfect, and you'll be sure to be disappointed.





Good luck!
I know what it feels like because im a straight guy and im in 11th grade ap classes so the people who are'nt as smart make fun of you for retarded things that arent true my whole group of freinds is treated that way i've only been dating since my freshman year because I did'nt have as much confidence before then so i just ignored my feeling and started to ask girls that i like out. Also search for the little signs that show if somebody is attracted to you even if she is'nt get to know her.
just try to think positive no matter what, it might be hard but look past this ur still young and have many other things to do !! dont let your familys sh*t bring yu down...if yu like a girl just approach her and tll her that yu like her and if yu get turned down dont worry, bcuz theres so many other girls out there!! =)











--good luck!!